Twilight Zone

Picture this...a three bedroom farm house...cows mooing in the background...two rocking chairs on the porch...You are standing in the living room with surroundings unfamiliar to you. Different house, different furniture...different state...different feel. Nothing is yours...nothing feels safe...Everywhere you look you just hear the tune in your head...(do do do do; do do do do) That was the twilight zone song. That is how my mom felt as she cleaned this house for her sister to come die in....

Don't get me wrong...this house was generously given to us on loan so that Baba could spend her final days as comfortable as possible but I think it was just strange thinking that she was preparing for her sisters death. Surreal, I would think. Sad...

Well, Barbara is still hanging in there. Her children are all there. My uncle and grand dad came home on Monday. Mom comes home on Thursday. I don't know how my uncle Ernie is handling things but my Grand dad pretty much considers her dead. He went and said goodbye and that is it. That is his grieving process I guess. Me? I just can't...

It is funny how you can not see someone for a couple years, and while you may miss that person, it isn't until you start to lose them forever that you really start to miss them. It is too bad we can't grieve while we can do something about it...Don't get me wrong. I love my aunt...she knows that and has never doubted it...but I will still miss her terribly...her kids may not be so lucky...

Okay...sad news behind us... lets hear some happy news...hmmm...I had something in line but I can't remember. I am tired...talked to you all soon

Please help Mommy to be brave...

That was Bethany's prayer tonight.

I imagine it is the same for everyone who has experienced loss. My loss has not yet capped but my heart doesn't believe it. Some days are easier than others to get through. Tuesday I was good and strong and a great support to my mom (even though she didn't act like she wanted it.) Yesterday...not so much. I was busy at work all day but once I picked up Bethany, I became emotional...and then a wreck...I had to pull myself together in the middle of Target. Poor Bethany just looked at me like I had completely lost it. (and I had) I have decided to build strength on the good days and use the strength on the bad days...Hopefully there are more good days than bad...

So on to happier moments. Tonight was the school Christmas musical. My niece (SJ) and Bethany both go to the same school so it is fun to see them both up there singing....and dancing. Bethany had a "hip hop" dance number before the program started. She was a riot...and she loved every minute of it.

There isn't much to tell about the musical itself except that all the kids (k-6th grade) wore white shirts with jeans. They accessorized with scarves, hats and gloves...(those poor kids must have been roasting...) and they sang...some alone, some in groups, some spoke...A good time was had by all. Oh and don't forget the cocoa and cookie reception afterward. YUM!

Speaking of...that is all for now. Talk to you soon. Nighty night

Auntie Baba...

Here is the latest on my aunt...

Yesterday she was diagnosed as Stage 4 Cancer. The doctors have given her days/weeks maybe a couple of months to live. The doctors have not released her to travel by commercial air or car so we are trying to get her life-flighted here to California where she can spend her final days with family. I am part of an amazing family where everyone is pulling together and doing what needs to be done.

My Uncle Ernie is talking with the Doctors to get her here. Once she is here, she will be living with them so they can take care of her. My brother is working on a plane ticket(if needed) for my mom to fly out to Idaho. I even have a cousin (her ex son in law) who has offered to drive my mom out there and bring Baba back if it is needed.

It all seems surreal.... I will keep you posted.

Still Thankful

Can it be? Less than a week has gone by and I am writing AGAIN??? You are two lucky readers...Ok. Enough Jibber Jabber (I think I have been hanging around Echo too long :)...).

Dad is doing MUCH better. He is like a new person...and he should be. Really. I saw him this weekend and he is amazing. He will go back to the doctor on Monday to see where we are at. Keep praying for him as his immune system is still shot and will take a while to build back up.

Auntie Baba is back in the hospital. We are not sure on what stage etc she is in. Please pray for her as well. She has some great family members that have stepped up to the plate to take care of her.

On the scrappy side...I spent many hours yesterday at the Red Bee working on Christmas Cards and gifts. I had great plans of accomplishing all my projects...Well, I was on such a roll that I asked if I could come back today. Echo and I worked on projects all day....I got my cards done...that is all...Course, there are about 50 of them. Maybe you will get one. You will have to wait and see.

That is all for now. Take it easy. Talk to you soon.

Thankful

Hello. I KNOW!!! Can you believe I am writing twice in one week? Who does that??? I know. Everyone but me. I am doing it now...

So, to update you all on my dad...He is home from the hospital. His blood platelets are still low. They should be 100 but are at 23 (according to my dad). He is supposed to stay away from too much riff raff as his immune system is still down.

I miss my friend. Something will happen about my brother or whatever and I will want to tell him what is going on...he isn't there. Very strange...Still, it is for the best.

My BFF had a great time in Indio. She loved it all. She was tired but we finally figured out by the end that she was getting sick (how is that for denial?). I had a great time too. We pushed our old bodies to the limit and defied middle age once again!!! (HA HA HA!!!!)

So with all that said. I write this with a thankful heart. I am thankful that my dad is doing better and it is nothing too serious. I am thankful for the friends that are currently in my life. I am thankful for a church that continues to care and be concerned even in my doubt...and pray for me...THANKFUL...That God answers the prayers of lowly people like me...I am thankful for family both immediate and extended who keep me grounded...thankful for A wonderful husband who we will celebrate 9 yearsof wedded bliss (okay...mostly wedded bliss...sometimes just wedded.) on Thanksgiving...There is so much to be thankful for...THANKFUL...most of all to God for his grace...HIS PLAN that I so don't understand...but I am thankful for it.

What are you thankful for?

FIRST! Fire! Family!! Friends!!!

First! Welcome to Middle Age my friend. My best friend enters middle age today. For 40 days she had a gift to open...Now we are in beautiful Indio... She is sleeping in and I am catching you up on everything...HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND!!!!!

This has been the craziest week. First we were threatened by fire...then we had some family scares and I had a disappointing outcome to a friendship.

FIRE!!!
Yes, we were packed and ready for the Fire Dept. to tell us to evacuate. Thankfully that knock on the door. We could see the smoke from our house but we didn't really venture out to see the fires. Now we are safe and the drama of the day seems so insignificant.

FAMILY!!!
What a crazy week of family crisis and near misses we had. First, my mom had a birthday on Monday...Happy b-day mom...Only it wasn't happy...She had just found out that my aunt Barbara (her sister), had been airlifted out of her home (she lives on a prairie outside of Boise, ID), and transported to a hospital. Here they found out that my aunt has a rare cancer that is called Peritoneal Cancer which is in true Auntie Baba style. Nothing normal for her...We don't know much more except the doctors think it has spread to her ovaries and they should have started chemo this week.
Tuesday my dad was admitted to the hospital because his hemoglobin was at 7 and it should have been at 14. The doctor put him in the hospital for further testing and a blood transfusion. After reading his chart the doctor wanted to do more tests and rule out leukemia and lymphoma. The doctor conducted a bone marrow test (OUCH!) and a Catscan. (let me just add here that the doctor was almost sure it was leukemia and that dad was not a good candidate for chemo due to a bad liver). Needless to say, we were all being brave. So on Wednesday, the family gathered around as the doctor gave the diagnosis...NO LEUKEMIA AND NO LYMPHOMA!!! Dad has a B12 difficiency called Pernicious Anemia. He has had several blood transfusions and will continue to have them throughout the weekend. Hopefully he can come home by Monday. Since his bloodcount was so low, they have him in an isolated room so he does not catch infections.

FRIENDS!!!
Of course you know that today is my Best Friends B-day...HAPPY B_DAY AGAIN!!!!! I have lots planned for her. But you will have to wait... This is what I woke up to...

As I mentioned before...it has been one thing after another this week...it doesn't stop here...I have a very dear friend who, due to some misunderstandings and past "sins", (not on my part)we will need to cease our communications. I already feel like a part of me has died but I know that God has a better plan and I am trusting in Him with all of this. I wish nothing but the best to him and his family.

Now for the best part of this whole crazy week. I think you should know that I have the best husband around. He has been so supportive through this whole week. He has been a strong anchor of support when I need him the most. First with support when I was scared about Dad and then when the whole thing happened with my friend mentioned above he stood by my side and let me know that I was not alone. I love you honey!!!Heart You!

That is all for now...I will update soon. Have a great day. I will. :)

Blessed Friendships

I know I know...I say I will write and it never seems to be enough. Really. I could write everyday...as everyday seems to be an adventure, however, the adventures seem to wipe me out lately. I must be aging...NAH!!! That is just silly talk....

Ok. Here I go with the excitement from the last few days...

Let me think...where to begin...I know...I will tell you a story...

Once upon a time...Wait. Not that kind of story...Well maybe...

This story begins almost twenty years ago on a bus loaded with a group of talented musicians and singers...mostly singers. Although a humble group they were known in some parts as "world-famous".

Every day on the bus these musicians had a routine. There would be laughing, sleeping, crying, story telling, prayer time, personal time and the list goes on and on...The group would do everything...almost...on the bus...sometimes, it was all they could do to survive each day...but as each day passed they became a family.

As all families, this one had its quirks...Let us take a closer look at two of the "sisters". The first sister was going through some personal issues with her biological family. Every day when it was time to share, she would share the newest happenings of her family. The things that were happening to her were very personal, and scary to her and she was very brave to share them. Along with that, she was outspoken and liked to follow the rules as they were intended....

Enter sister B - She was blinded to the true source of the first sister. She didn't understand what she was going through and selfishly thought Sister A should keep to herself. So much drama... It didn't help that sister A had demonstrated her desire to follow the rules to Sister B and call her on a rule that she thought was borderline....This only made the tension worse...Still, in her selfishness, Sister B spoke to trusted advisors in her home state and in her Bible..

BEAR ONE ANOTHERS BURDENS>>>>

This was the phrase that kept popping up when Sister B tried to ignore all other situations until it could no longer be ignored...I bowed my head and prayed for forgiveness...that was the easy part. I knew I had to confront Sister A...it could be ugly...she may not forgive me...we still had a lot of time left to spend on the bus...how could I endure it if someone doesn't like me...BEAR ONE ANOTHERS BURDENS...still pulsating through my thoughts...I took a deep breath, swallowed hard and jumped in...

I told her everything...right down to the part where I was sorry for judging her...I wanted to be her friend but I would totally understand if she wanted nothing to do with me...

I am not sure how long it took, but we became friends. Great friends. The kind of friendship that you realize only comes once in your life...one that is truly blessed.

I am happy to report that all is still well...we have an annual trip in November where I go see her in Arizona. It works out great. I get to see her husband briefly, he goes on to a missions trip and the rest of the weekend is ours to tear up the Gilbert area. Let me take this moment to say thank you to Ronnie for a great weekend. As always, it was the one I look forward to the most...Only 51 more weeks.

I realize this post is already long but I wanted to put a couple more thoughts in here. While their stories may not be read tonight...the tale of friendship may still be told at a future date.

First, I have a friend who has been my friend for too many years to count...I have felt the greatest love and hardest loss because of him. It is a story of believing, faith, caring and forgiveness...(Sure there is ugly stuff but who wants to remember that?). You know who you are my friend and I thank you for caring about me so much that you were concerned about me. You have no idea what it did for me.

Second, My traveling friend...I miss you too. Please come home safely. We will have lots of scrapping parties when you return.

Third, I have a friend who just returned from Hawaii...Lets get together soon to see all the goodies you got and to scrap your trip. We have been able to spend some quality time together scrapping and it has been great.

Last, but certainly not least...My Expressions friend... I aprreciate how much our friendship has grown over the last several months. You mean a lot to me. Thanks for everything...

Ok. I am pausing...I just wanted to let some of the friends in my life know that I appreciate you...I know so many times we can go through life and not let the friends you care about even know...Now you have no excuse. I have witnesses. :)